“God Grifters!” “Peddlers!” “Snake Oil Salesmen!”
These are just a few of the colorful labels thrown our way in recent months—usually in comment sections, anonymous messages, or during the chaos that predictably follows any of our sales campaigns. Alongside these accusations come the trolls, the edgy atheists, the God-haters, and yes, even some professing Christians who seem more interested in policing motives than proclaiming the Gospel. They crawl out of their online hideouts to lob stones and stir chaos.
Fair enough. We expected resistance. But maybe it's time to address the elephant in the room and answer the questions that come naturally from an opening like this:
Who are we? What the hell did we do? And what exactly are we selling?
We are Patriarch Cigar Co.
We sell cigars.
That’s the simple answer, but of course, it's not the full one.
We sell cigars in the name of growing the Kingdom of God, and that’s where things get spicy. The accusation of being “God grifters” implies that we’re using the name of Christ to get rich, that we’re leveraging sacred things to manipulate people into giving us their money. In other words, we are just another brand trying to baptize our hustle in holy water.
But here’s the thing: we’re not using God to sell cigars. We’re using cigars to talk about God.
Let that sink in.
Cigars are the tool—not the treasure. The treasure is Christ, His Kingdom, and a brotherhood of faithful, joyful, bold Christian men unashamed to build, bless, and smoke to the glory of God.
The cigar is a conversation starter, a culture builder, and a symbolic act of dominion-taking. It’s a long-form experience that slows us down, draws us into community, and opens the door to speak about the deeper things—truth, beauty, worship, masculinity, fatherhood, legacy, and the glory of Christ that touches every inch of creation. Including tobacco.
We’re not selling smoke—we’re selling a culture. A liturgy. A brotherhood. And yes, the cigar is part of the package, but it’s not the punchline. It's the prelude.
So no, we’re not grifting God—we’re glorifying Him. And if that offends you, you’re not mad at us. You’re mad at the idea that God’s glory can actually reach this far. That He can redeem the tobacco field, the factory floor, and the fire-lit porch conversation just as surely as He redeems souls.
That might sound like heresy if your version of Christianity is only comfortable inside the four walls of a sanctuary and can’t handle the smell of smoke or the sound of laughter. But our God is not that small.
We believe in a God who made the world good and is making it good again through His Son and His Church. We believe in a Gospel that touches everything. And we believe that faithful men lighting cigars and talking theology around a firepit is a small but meaningful part of reformation in our time.
Pull up a chair. Strike a match. Glorify God.
Smoke Patriarch.
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